The Deadly Path
by deathknight17
Summary: Chapter 2's up, obviously why else would it say updated? Anyway our three heroes find themselves in a bind as they try to figure out the password this strange old man wants.
1. Three idiots vs Old Man

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, granted if I did I wouldn't bother writing this, for I'd be rich.

It was a warm spring morning and the best day of their lives… No wait, sorry wrong story. No happy story for these Akatsuki members, no this was the strangest days of these three's lives.

Now it all started in the frozen lands of the Mist village; Kisame, Itachi, and Sasori were coming back from a visit to Kisame's family.

"I can't believe they all look like sharks, I just thought you had some mutation, but seriously your parents are sharks too, and your sister!" Itachi exclaimed with disgust. You see Itachi had always told Kisame "Only you could be this ugly", but Kisame always said there were others like him. Itachi no doubt was extremely shocked when he found a family of shark like people.

"See I told you, so you better apologize to me, for 5 years of brutal insults that cut straight to my heart" Kisame replied happily, but with a tinge of depression

"He doesn't need to apologize, an insult isn't an insult if it's true you know" Sasori muttered. Although he prided himself on his ability to work well with others, like Itachi he couldn't help but insult Kisame for looking like a shark of all things. He was just as disappointed as Itachi, to find that he couldn't really insult Kisame anymore without also insulting Kisame's 68 year old mother who was really a great woman. Akatsuki prides itself on respecting elders and Sasori and Itachi weren't going to be the first to breaking that motto.

"I hope you all go and jump in a pit somewhere, and I hope it has spikes in it, and it there's snakes in there, and it's on fire, and there's a shark in there and it'll eat you up" Kisame said sounding like an angry 5 year old.

"How can there be sharks and snakes in there if it's on fire? Wouldn't they die?, also what's a shark doing in a pit?" Itachi asked trying to picture it in his head.

"Well it doesn't matter anyway, the point is you can all burn in hell, and if I have to-" Kisame stopped abruptly, he couldn't help but notice an old man sitting on a chair facing away from them.

"Who the hell is that?" Sasori asked, he also couldn't help but notice the old man who was directly in their way.

"Wait is this the way we came here? I'm pretty suure the place we went through had less… old men in there, we probably got lost, no thanks to Kisame ranting like a four year old distracting us" Itachi mused

"How can you blame me? Sure I ranted, but one of you "older people" should have figured that we were going a totally different path" Kisame huffed

"Silence!" the old man suddenly yelled out, turning around to face them. The three of them all clamored up and looked at awe at this old man who turned to face them. The man was obviously older than 70, yet his eyes looked as if he had slain thousands of ninjas with ease before, he also had a strange object leaning against the chair.

"You three aren't getting past without getting the password right" the old man bellowed out

"Password, what the hell? You guys know what he's talking about?" Itachi asked the others.

"Not at all" they replied in unison

"If yall don't know the password, then I'm uh afraid that you guys will need to be killed" he said, picking up the object and pointing it at the them.

"Wait what the hell are we doing? We're ninjas, damn good ones too couldn't we just kill this guy, or just move past him with our superspeed or something like that? Anyone else think about this" Sasori said in a rare display of frustration

"Oh yeah" Kisame said with an evil grin growing on his face. He pulled our his sword and pointed it at the old man. "Listen old man, I'm not sure who you think you are, but we're Akatsuki and we don't take commands from stupid old men.

"Bang" smoke rose from the old man's object… yes it's a gun, don't ask me how it got there I'm just the narrator.

Kisame stared in shock at the hole on his shoulder, where blood was spurting out at an alarming rate.

"AHHHH, my shoulder, oh my god the pain." Kisame yelled out in agony, as he started rolling on the floor.

"Ha, Kisame got shot by an old man" Sasori replied smugly "Still though, what the hell is up with this man, hey Itachi we're better off just leaving now and cutting our losses"

"Well shouldn't we at least take Kisame with us, funny as this is, I doubt the higher ups would be happy if we just left him here you know" Itachi said with no concern for Kisame whatsoever

"Nah, we'll just explain it and I'm sure they'll just think Kisame got lost on his own, and – Bang!" Sasori froze in pain, the old man had decided to shoot at Sasori mid-conversation, I know Bush league stuff right, oh sorry I'll stop interrupting now, back to the story. "Jesus Christ, my leg," Sasori screamed out "Why did you shoot me"

"Yall weren't telling me the password, I told you what'd happen" the old man replied

"Can't blame his logic pretty sound if you ask me, anyway while you two are on the ground I'm out of here- Bang! Why?" Itachi said before being shot in the leg, I mean really you think they'd have left by now instead of getting shot.

"Man you guys are dumb, I asked for the password and you three just babble on and on, now password or I shoot to kill" The old man replied

"Alright, alright, uh password ummmm, can we get a hint" Itachi asked hopefully

"I don't know, can you?" The old man replied ominously

Will those three get the password right? Will the Old man shoot them? How did he get a gun? And what path did those three possibly take to find an old man with a gun? Find out next chapter.


	2. The Password

"Uh yes?" Itachi asked hopefully trying to think of a way out of this situation

"Huh, how'd you know I give out hints? Anyways it's a phrase 3 words, that's it, and remember if you get it wrong then uh this." The old man said pointing the gun at Kisame first.

"Why me? Why not those two?" Kisame asked with the gun pressed into his face.

"You know boy, I've always wondered what shark tastes like, and if your friends get this wrong then I'll find out real soon" the old man replied licking his lips with the thought of cooking up Kisame

"Ahhhhh, Itachi, Sasori figure out the password I don't want to be eaten!" Kisame screamed out

"Don't worry we got this" Itachi said with some semblance of confidence

"What we? I have no idea what the hell this old man wants" Sasori said with an air of frustration, Sasori hated this feeling, the feeling of being stumped. Oh, he also didn't like death either, but we'll discuss Sasori's views of death in his new book.

"Well I'm on my own then. Come on Itachi you got this… Wait I have the Sharingan, ha guess the stress got to me. Hey old man come here I got the answer" Itachi had formulated the plan quite well, just look into the old man's eyes and use Tsukuyomi on him.

"Alright you got the password? Whoa, son you ever got your eyes checked out? They're three little weird thingies in there" the old man was quite interested in Itachi's eyes and figured if he killed this guy he might as well take those eyes too, but after he ate that shark guy. Now before you call that old man reviling, he can't be the only man who's wondered what Kisame tastes like, or wanted Itachi's gorgeous eyes and… oh wait I'm ranting again, sorry.

"Hmm, that's not important but since I have your attention Tsukuyomi!" Itachi said aloud

The two began an intense stare down of each other, Itachi trying to force the old man into his world, and the old man trying to keep his will. Two passerbies came by and were shocked to see two guys just staring at each other intently.

"What the hell?" the first passerby asked in shock

"Just walk away dude, there's nothing to see here" the second one said

"Yeah but I think there's a shark here," the first one replied

"It doesn't matter just go" the second one said

Now to those two it was the strangest scenes of their lives, in fact they would always wonder why there was a shark out of the water, and why an old man and a young man were staring at each other.

"Hey, why isn't Itachi's Tsukuyomi working?" Kisame asked Sasori

"I'm not sure, I've never seen someone who could even resist his Tsukuyomi, just what kind of old man is this?" Sasori said in disbelief

The fact that the old man could resist the Tsukuyomi did worry Itachi a little, but he was smart enough to always have a backup plan. He stuck both his hands into his coat and drew his kunai and three shurikens. He made a sudden motion and his the weapons went flying, the kunai went straight towards the old man's heart, while the three shurikens went towards the man's abdomen.

"Nice try kid," the old man replied, in an even quicker movement he grabbed the kunai with his left hand, and kicked away the shurikens headed for his abdomen. He then took his gun and smashed it across Itachi's face.

"Enough games kid, password or else I shoot," the old man said angrily

"Ah, please don't shoot. I'll do anything, I'll stop trying to kill you, please don't shoot!" Itachi begged in an uncharacteristic display of weakness.

"Hey you got the password right, welcome brother what can I do for you?" the old man asked

"Wait I got the password right?" Itachi asked

"Well sure you did why else haven't I killed you yet?" the old man replied

Sasori and Kisame could only stare in shock, they were absolutely speechless. The one time Itachi breaks down and looks like a wimp… it saves his life, seriously what's up with that?

"So now what?" Sasori muttered

"Maybe we can ask that old man about his backstory, you know for the people reading this." Kisame said

"That makes sense, so old man why are you guarding this road, what's your name, and why in god's sake did you shoot each of us?" Itachi yelled out

"Me? I'm just a simple old man guarding a road with old faithful here, my name well that's not important at all, and my backstory well that's going to be left ambiguous for now" the old man replied "anyway you're not done yet, you still got the quiz to finish up," he continued

"Wait a quiz, but I thought all we needed was the password. And you still haven't answered why you shot all of us. Hey don't just walk away from us, don't you know that we're members of Akatsuki?" Sasori yelled out angrily

It was to no avail though, the old man simply stepped into the brush and disappeared leaving the three "elite" ninjas alone. They stared for a brief moment, before remembering they had all been shot and that blood was still coming out at an alarming rate. Quick note, for those saying they should have run out of blood now, we're using anime rules so they've got a few gallons left. Anyway, they finished bandaging up their wounds and sat down and were thinking of their next action.

"I say we just get out of here, not much point in staying here for a stupid quiz" Itachi stated

"Still, but don't you want to know what's in this path? I mean it's got to be something awesome, why else would an old man who makes us look stupid be guarding it?" Kisame said with curiosity

"That is true, but still what quiz was he talking about and who's supposed to administer it?" Sasori asked

Right as he finished it, they saw an even older man (in his 80's I'm guessing) come with a chair. He put it down, and sat on it facing away from them. A few awkward moments went by before anyone said anything.

"Uh, we're over here" Sasori said meekly

"I am the Sphinx!" the old man bellowed out still facing away from them "And you must answer five questions in order to continue on this path!" he yelled out even louder.

"Uh we're over here" Sasori repeated obviously annoyed that this old man wasn't even facing them.

"Silence! Now are you ready?" the Sphinx yelled out

"Sure… why the hell not" Itachi said confidently

Will these three get the quiz right? Why are there multiple old men guarding a path? How did an old men kick the asses of three powerful Akatsuki members? Why do I keep interrupting my own stories? Why do I keep doing these stupid question things, instead of writing more story? Find out next chapter!


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